This is what the fortune might look like.  Other fortunes:

You will lose important papers soon. 
(Don't let that DNR form out of your sight)

It might be that your sole purpose in life is to be a
bad example to others.

You are cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.

You're not anti-social.  You're just not a people person.

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

Your patients put the 'fun' in dysfunctional.

Old age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.

It's hard to kill the stupid.  For some reason they're tougher than others.

It's only funny until somebody loses an eye.  Then, it's "My eye!  My eye!"

My parents told me I could be anything.  So I became an asshole.

The circus wouldn't hire me, so I became a Paramedic.

Try to see things from your patients' point of view. 
Good luck getting your head back out of your ass.

There's no sense in being pessimistic.  It wouldn't work, anyway.

If I got smart with you, how would you know?

I used to care, but now I take pills for that.

Sarcasm - Just one more service I offer.

Your patient's village called.  Their idiot is missing.

If you do it right the first time, nobody can appreciate how difficult it was.

You will attract uncultured people to your ambulance.

You can't fall off the floor.

Assume all dispatchers are idiots until they prove you right.

Your sense of humor will be sorely tried by the 3 a.m. drunk.

If you drop the baby, pick it back up or fake a seizure.

Lift with your legs, not your back.

Shock me once, shame on you.  Shock me again, I'm kicking  your ass.

All bleeding eventually stops.

Sleep is highly overrated.

Beware the one who utters the "Q" word, for he shall suffer
the wrath of a vengeful ED nurse.

Everybody is related in a small town.

EMS = Earn Money Sleeping

Reality is for those who can't handle drugs.

I must be having vision problems, because I don't see that happening.

You just can't cure stupid.

Laughter is the best medicine. 
Unless you're diabetic, and then insulin or dextrose is your best bet.

BLS watch patient's die.  ALS is actively involved.

75% of assault victims deserved it.

If it feels good to say it, it's probably wrong.

Patients that crash in separate vehicles should be
transported in separate vehicles.

Sometimes it's better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission.

It only hurts until the pain goes away.

When uncertain, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.  Then call 9-1-1.

There's no such thing as a bad call.  However, there ARE calls that don't fit into the protocol, and don't go the way you plan.

Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean that your supervisor isn't hiding just around the corner.

The patient always expands on his medical history and medications list with each upgrade in care providers.

9-1-1:  The governments answer to Dial-A-Prayer.

Shock them into Asystole, then treat them chemically.

Never turn your back on a Proctologist.

Never bring your ambulance to a gun fight until it's all over.

And one of my favorite non-EMS fortunes...

Got any of your own?  Let me know!

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